chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
