Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
