Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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