I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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