You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
