My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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