just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
