BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
