i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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