This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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