i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
