Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
