he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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