I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
