I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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