do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
