The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize