I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
