It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
