We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Success! We fucked roommates!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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