Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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