My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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