i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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