Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
