I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Found the puke drawer
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
