i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
this boner is exhausting
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
