I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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