You're a womanizer and a bitch.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
