Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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