Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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