you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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