And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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