Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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