Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
