that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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