i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
