She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
