some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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