This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
