My Higher Power is John Stamos
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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