Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
