I wanna passion pit in your ass
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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