I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
