When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My vagina is very pro this idea
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
