You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
