You just made me feel so damn special
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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