My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
