I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize