I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
