Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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