My nipple is on Facebook.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
