I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize