I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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