I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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