at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
