guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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