you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
