drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I got inside last night via doggy door
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
