First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
