Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
