when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
