Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
