around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
