I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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