I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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